What to do?
What is something that gives your life meaning if there is nothing to give it meaning? This is to say, you are good at nothing, you have no job, and no hobbies, and nothing really of any value in your life?
I can say for one that of course there is the cliche 'love' that gives you meaning. But for all you single people out there, I'm sorry to say unless you live in a bubble it isn't enough to make all the worlds problems go away. However don't get me wrong it does help, especially if you are jobless like myself, and have been for sometime no matter how hard you've searched.
And that's not to say they keep me occupied while I sit around day after day drifting farthing into useless madness/laziness. And they definitely don't pay the bills... but it is nice to still be able to go out for dinner and the movies when I like. It's a small comfort.
But other then those small treasures, what is there left in the world? What is a person with no talent/skills and no job supposed to do with themselves?
Panic is one option that I have yet to visit. I've thought about it, about screaming up and down the streets "What the fuck am I supposed to do!?" but that wouldn't really help. So then what?
Look harder perhaps? Yes that would be a viable option, and this one I have tried. Up until the beginning of December I was looking vigorously for a job with no avail. I have no idea why I haven't captured a job yet. I have about five years of experience in a similar field. And although I have been setting my sites a little higher then I'm qualified that doesn't mean I haven't been seeking those I was sure I would get with ease. So what is it?
Is it this city? I moved to Hamilton in September and it seems I am unwanted here. In Toronto I had three jobs... THREE! And I only lived there for a year. And all the other city's slashed towns I've lived in have all given me jobs sooner or later... but never this later before.
What if I never get one? Where do I go? It's not like I just moved out, I'm not fresh outta high school or anything of the sort. I've been out for 5 years?
There is something I've left out of the puzzle for fear of jinxing it. I am so nervous at this point I could puke. I have been waiting since pretty much the beginning of December (the main reason I've stopped searching for a job... that and Christmas and all) is that I am waiting to hear if I got my PERFECT job! I've had FOUR interviews for this job... FOUR!! One over the phone, then an online test, then two in office interviews... then there was those painful words... "Okay we'll let you know after Christmas." And this was on DECEMBER 17th!! They said this, 10 days ago! This entire day I've been so heart fallen because I haven't heard yet. My boyfriends mother said I probably wouldn't hear today because it is Sunday after all... but this place is open 7 days a week so :'( What am I to think?
If I don't hear by tomorrow, I guess it's back to the lame mall I go to search. So much for adult wages. Good bye paying off my 60,000 debt. Good bye living with ease. Good bye happiness.
I think that is all I will leave you with today. I don't want this to turn into a rant, but it might of already... so goodbye for now....
posted by %$*@!^ @ 7:49 p.m.
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